Letting Go of a Painful Past

I don’t think we hold onto the past for no reason.

Even the things we wish we could forget… there’s usually something in them that hasn’t fully settled yet.

For a long time, I thought letting go meant pushing things away or trying not to think about them.

But that never really worked.

If anything, the more I tried to ignore something, the more it seemed to find its way back—through a memory, a feeling, or even just a reaction I didn’t fully understand.

What I’ve started to notice is that it’s often not the event itself we’re holding onto… it’s how it made us feel.

Something didn’t land right.Something didn’t get expressed.Something in us didn’t feel seen, heard, or understood.

And that part… stays with us.

Sometimes it shows up as frustration. Other times it runs deeper—anxiety, sadness, even anger that doesn’t seem to fully go away.

And usually, there’s a trigger. Something in the present that quietly brings the past back up again.

For me, the shift didn’t come from trying to force myself to “let it go.”

It came from getting a little more honest about what was still there.

What was I actually feeling?What did I need back then that I didn’t receive?Was there something I never got to say?

Even just acknowledging those things—without rushing to fix them—started to create a bit of space.

And over time, that space turned into something softer.

Not necessarily forgetting.

But understanding.

Sometimes even seeing the situation differently. Not to excuse anything—but to see it with a little more perspective, including toward myself.

Because I think we’re often hardest on ourselves about the past.

We look back with the awareness we have now and wonder why we didn’t do things differently.

But we were who we were in that moment.

And maybe part of letting go is allowing that to be true.

I don’t think the past needs to be fought or erased.

I think it just needs to be seen clearly… and then, when it’s ready, it starts to loosen on its own.

And at some point, you realize you’re not carrying it the same way anymore...and something in you finally begins to heal.

—

JC